The Refresh Orlando Heirs

Christians all over the world will all be tempted in different ways. One problem we all will face is being tempted to conform to the world. Everyday we face the demands of jobs, raising children, and days with too much to do in too little time. Stress starts building up and it gets more difficult to make the right decisions. John 15:19 says ‘If you belonged to the world, the world would treat you with affection and would love you as its own. But because you are not of the world (no longer one with it), but I have chosen (selected) you out of the world, the world hates (detests) you.’

There’s an encouraging word in Proverbs 4:18 though: ‘But the path of the (uncompromisingly) just and righteous is like the light of dawn, that shines more and more (brighter and clearer) until (it reaches its full strength and glory in) the perfect day (to be prepared). That makes me excited! Everything won’t happen overnight, but slowly and steadily the light will become brighter. And if we focus on the Light everyday, living in this world will become easier.

Speaking of light - one way to ensure that we know the way that we have to go is searching God’s Word and storing it in our hearts. Psalm 119:105 ‘Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.’ We have to meditate on heavenly things and not get distracted by the world.

So, everybody’s working and pushing themselves to new limits. How should Christians be doing their jobs? The most important thing to remember is to keep your priorities straight. Acts 20:35 ‘In everything I have pointed out to you (by example) that, by working diligently in this manner, we ought to assist the weak, being mindful of the words of the Lord Jesus, how He Himself said, It is more blessed (makes one happier and more to be envied) to give than to receive.’ We should spend more time being thankful for what we have than longing for what our friends have. 1 Tim.6:8 ‘But if we have food and clothing, with these we shall be content (satisfied). And some of us think that we’ll only be content when we are rich. The Bible warns against riches though! Mark 10:24b - 25 ‘But Jesus said to them again, Children, how hard is it for those who trust (place their confidence, their sense of safety) in riches to enter the kingdom of God! It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.’

So how do we remain strangers in this world? We have to be so sure of our goal everyday so that we may recognise clearly every temptation to not do the will of God. This will only happen if we spend time with God. I will not be able to do pleasant things with my children if I don’t spend time with them finding out what they need. The same is true of God. Pleasing Him and doing His will should be the biggest desire of our hearts and the first thing on our minds when we wake up in the morning. Out of our relationship with Him the right behaviour will follow. And although some things will still be difficult to do, it will be rewarding to know that we are doing His will. Remember that God has a perfect plan for each of our lives. Even though sometimes we think that we have a better idea of what to do with our lives and dreams. We cannot commit our lives to Jesus without also allowing Him to take control of our dreams and future. That’s where faith begins - to walk step by step in the knowledge that, even when you can’t see the end results, there will be God’s results. And it will be to our benefit. He is God Almighty who wants the best for us and loves us - why not trust Him?

Other Scriptural references:

1 Chronicles 29:15

Leviticus 25:23b

Psalm 119:19a

Hebrews 13:14

John 17:14-16

James 4:4

James 1:27

Galatians 1:10

Matthew 10:16

1 Timothy 4:12

All quoted scriptures are from the Amplified Bible.

Adele Laubscher is a mother of two and an active christian. She loves to share her experiences on a weekly basis with readers. She writes a christian newsletter called The Christian Walk. http://www.tradeology.com/christian.html

I cannot take credit for writing this, for I am only sharing with you something I found today. It is a very old page, worn and yellowed, from “The New Republic” dated December 8, 1917. What struck me about this article are two things: 1. The letter from the gentleman, and 2. The extreme importance of books to soldiers overseas. The article states that the two most important things soldiers desired were “tobacco and BOOKS”. It seems that then, just as now, reading helped folks get through the most adverse, frightening and challenging situations by giving the mind something other than their fear or pain to focus on. I cannot even imagine the terror experienced in battle and how these soldiers kept their sanity about them. I do know that reading played a significant role in the matter.

I will now share with you this newspaper story. It is a chunk of history; a piece of time captured on brittle paper that I was fortunate enough to find within the pages of, yes, you guessed it, a very old book.

December 8, 1917 THE NEW REPUBLIC V

“Who Thought of It- a Soldier?”

A LETTER FROM A CIVIL WAR VETERAN

“…I should like to meet some of the gentlemen in our company, to thank them personally for what they have done for my grandson who is in France. I cannot help thinking that it must have been a soldier, a man who has been through the fighting mill as I have, who initiated the idea of providing such good books, in so convenient
a Veteran. I fought from ‘62 to ‘65. I remember well the craving I used to have for something good to read, something to offset the loneliness and homesickness which was harder to bear than all our physical hardships. It was so keen that we used to pounce on scraps of newspaper we found. I tell you there is nothing that will so well keep up the morale of fighting men as good reading matter. They need it to keep their minds off themselves. I know what our boys will go through; the mental agonies are worse than anything else. Yet when my grandson at the opening of the war enlisted in the Canadian Army, I was glorified- that is the word!- to have him go. I sent with him the blessing of God. I knew it was not love of adventure that urged him on, but something of the same spirit with which we boys were filled long ago. It is a spirit as old as Christianity, the spirit of the Crusades. He longed to add his boy’s strength to the might of the world to teach an everlasting lesson to those damned Potsdam animals, who were willing to drench the world in blood without mercy, to further such a thing as sordid commercial ambitions. He has fought at Ypres and Vimy. He has been wounded twice. I have seen him again, and he is not the same boy. He has seen, this child, more than I ever saw. War is hell to him, as it was to us; he hates it with all his soul, as I do. But he hates the Kaiser and his crew more, and he will be there to the end. This, gentlemen, is not what I wished to write to you. As you may appreciate, I feel this business keenly, and my feelings carries me away oftentimes. When I saw my grandson he asked me to write to you. Some time after he went away I sent him as many of your little books as I could buy. Before he received them, he and the men with him many a time crouched for hours under heavy shelling- sometimes for days and nights, without relief- waiting, waiting for attacks. They had nothing to think of except what was going to happen to them. I believe only a soldier can appreciate the mental condition of men under such circumstances! The books I sent were a godsend to him and his comrades. They constituted a sort of company library, each man carrying several of the volumes in his pockets, and he told me there was hardly a man in the company who had not read every one of the books….I think it will be interesting, and heartening, for you to know how greatly you are helping to keep up the morale of the men who are enduring at the front mental suffering that is beyond, truly beyond, the imagination of us who stay at home.”

_______________

This is the paper’s response to the letter above:

We print this letter here with hesitation. We do it because we believe it is a document which New Republic readers will care to have seen, for we believe it is representative of the spirit of American soldiers; we print it also because it brings home more forcibly than we could ever hope to, the vital need of good reading matter for our soldiers and sailors. Our troops had been abroad a short time when General Pershing cabled for books. The French Government, we have been told, in a list of articles men should supply themselves with, put down books as one of the first necessities. Soon we folks at home will hear the same call from the men themselves. “Send me tobacco- and books!” That will be the demand. If you have a boy in service-a brother- a son- a friend- send him books if you send him anything. Abroad, literally millions of pocket size volumes have been sent to men in the trenches by the people of our allies. Put yourself in the place of these men. They must sit still very often, while undergoing the most frightful bombardment, waiting to attack or to be attacked. Many men go mad because of this terrible mental strain. What they need, above all else, is to keep their minds normal. And when they go back into billets, after service at the front, they demand books all the more. They have gone through such frightful experiences that they require something to put them in touch again with a sane world.
REAL POCKET-SIZE VOLUMES NEEDED

Remember this, when you send books. Your soldier boy cannot carry an ordinary size book with him to the trenches. What he needs are real pocket size volumes, so that he can carry several in his pockets without inconvenience. Little Leather Library volumes fill this need perfectly. They are 3 1/4″ X 4 1/4″ in size, and are bound in genuine leather so that they will stand the hardest wear. Over a million of them were sold before the war to people who wished to read good books while travelling. Since we entered the war, over two hundred thousand of these volumes have been bought for soldiers and sailors as gifts.

If you have a boy or a friend in the service, make your choice of the titles listed below. If they do not prove to be what you expect, your money will be cheerfully refunded.
__________________________________________________
(Just a note. The Little Leather Library Books sold for thirty cents, postage prepaid.)

I hope you have enjoyed this piece of history, and have seen as I have, the inherent value that reading has in our lives. It is not merely entertainment. It is therapy, it is soothing, and under the worst of circumstances, it can give us the strength and the grounding that we need to pull through.

About the Author

Ellen M. DuBois, MA - Ms. DuBois is engaged and has a dog who loves to critique her work. She is published in vol.2 of God Allows U-Turns with her piece, “The Angel in the Dumpster”. She writes to touch the hearts of others. Please visit Writings of the Heart, her award winning writer’s resource site- http://writingsoftheheart.homestead.com/index.html

Copyright 2006 Dr Joe Rubino

Watch TV, open the newspaper, listen to the radio, or visit news sites on the Internet and you’ll immediately notice that the amount of human failure and disaster one is exposed to is disheartening. If you are like me, you may find yourself avoiding these sources of news and “entertainment” because you can’t stand the amount of negativity that infiltrates your mind and harmfully impacts your energy-state! Not surprisingly, much of the negativity in the world is sourced from people having an unhealthy, low level of self-esteem. Shocking, extensive research shows that over 85% of the world’s population has some type of deficiency in their level of self-esteem.

Low self-esteem causes feelings of discomfort, unhappiness, anger, fear, procrastination, frustration, shyness and incapability. This array of negative thought processes and sensations causes people to look for artificial ways to cover up their lack of confidence by taking on forced or unnatural behaviors. Three of the most common ways of covering up a negative self-image, diminished self-esteem and low confidence levels are:

1) Forced and unhealthy communication Forced acts of communication are ways we relate with each other in an unnatural and destructive way. Examples of unproductive communication could be uncontrolled anger, screaming or abusive language, or making unfair or unproductive remarks. All too often, when we feel uncomfortable in social situations or fear being controlled by another, we try to gain the upper hand by dominating the other person in some manner. For example, your spouse might make a remark that you allow to cause you to feel poorly about yourself or attacked in some way. (The words of another can never negatively impact our self-esteem unless we allow them to do so.) Most of the time, we react to what someone says when they bring up something we can not be with about how we see ourselves. This reactive feeling is all too often a sign of a diminished self-esteem. As a result of feeing threatened, you might counter with an aggressive or hostile remark of your own. Before long, you have unintentionally begun a downward spiral in communication that will surely erode your relationship over time.

Lacking self-esteem likewise impacts all other areas of life. Additional examples include fear of public speaking, ineffective professional communication, pursuing a carrier that is not in alignment with one’s passions and life-purpose, dating or even marrying people that do not match up well with our most important values because we fear we may not attract our ideal partner, and bringing up children to be fear-based, reactive, or unhealthy in their perceptions of the world and in their relationships with others.

2) Sleeping Excessively in order to Escape from Reality Do you know anyone who “sleeps their time away?” For countless people, sleeping is a way to escape their painful feelings of incapability, fear, discomfort, unworthiness, and weakness. These feelings stem from the interpretation that one is somehow unlovable or not good enough and are ultimately the result of low self-esteem levels. They drain our energy and cause internal friction that makes us tired. They also result in having us want to escape those situations instead of coping with them in an appropriate and effective manner. For many people sleeping is the easiest escape rather than learning to face life’s challenges. Sleeping is a means of recuperation so upon awakening, all challenges can be coped with more easily with fresh energy. However many people don’t use sleep for the purpose of regenerating energy. They numb their pain with ‘chronic sleeping’ as an escape from reality. As an escape strategy, problems remain unaddressed and unsolved and so tend to become worse with the passing of time.

3) Use of Alcohol, Drugs, and Cigarettes As an active observer of people’s coping strategies, notice how often so many look for ways to numb the pain rather than address the source of their challenges. Many find comfort in cigarettes as a stress reliever. The underlying source of mental stress and bodily tension is often diminished self-esteem. So often, people condition themselves to turn to alcohol or drugs after experiencing a stressful event. Rather than deal with the causes of life’s disappointments, relationship challenges, or ineffective communication, it’s often easier to look for ways to forget about the problems by turning to alcohol, cigarettes, and drugs. Of course, these destructive forms of escaping the uncomfortable feelings that are caused by low confidence, a bad self-image and poor self-esteem often result in compounded health and social challenges of their own. In addition to their harmful physical effects, drugs and alcohol amplify negative feelings and thus result in further destructive behavior. In this way, they compound the already present challenges and result in a worsening, vicious cycle of greater proportions.

Low self-esteem is most often the cause of these destructive and escape-seeking behaviors. Rather than detach from or attempt to escape the challenges brought on by a poor self-image and low self-confidence, there is a more effective way to live a more powerful, happier and more abundant life simply by elevating one’s level of self-esteem. After working personally with thousands of coaching clients in the past 15 years, I have uncovered an effective yet simple and easy-to-implement formula for improving one’s self-esteem. The entire process of healing one’s painful past, accurately assessing one’s current situation, and proactively designing the future in choice can be found in the step-by-step self-study program entitled, “The Self-Esteem Book: The Ultimate Guide to Boost the Most Underrated Ingredient for Success and Happiness in Life.” For more information on restoring your self-esteem and reclaiming your magnificence, visit TheSelfEsteemBook.com website.

Dr. Joe Rubino is an internationally acclaimed life and success coach and the author of 11 best-selling books and audio programs available worldwide in 19 languages. He is the author of the best selling, “The Self-Esteem Book: The Ultimate Guide to Boost the Most Underrated Ingredient for Success and Happiness in Life” which has been called “the most transformational self-help tool available to support people to restore their self-esteem.” To learn more about this life-changing book, to learn more about Dr. Joe Rubino and to sign up for Dr. Joe’s Ezine, visit www.theselfesteembook.com

Craps is the fast-moving, action-filled game that is so often identified with high rollers. As you may know, “high roller” is the name given to big-money players. Many of these $ 100-chip bettors walk into a craps game with a credit line ranging from $5,000 to $100,000.

The great thing about playing casino craps is that the $2 or $5 bettor stands right alongside the high roller and shares the fun and excitement of the game in the same manner In many cases, the player starting out with $50 in chips and making small bets may walk away from the table with anywhere from $500 to $1,500 in profits, while the high roller may still be writing markers trying to recoup his losses.

That scenario can apply to you and your own $50 casino bankroll if you pay close attention to this chapter and practice what you
learn. Although you may walk up to a craps table and become befuddled by all the action going on, craps is really quite simple to learn. The game, incidentally, is always called craps: You shoot craps, you’re a craps shooter, and, ironically, if you roll craps you lose!

The Roll of the Dice
Craps is a dice game played with dice. It is a game of chance! There is no skill in shooting craps. Each time the dice are rolled, the probabilities of any set of numbers coming out are always exactly the same.
That is your first lesson. The paragraph above cannot be disputed. So don’t fight itbelieve it. If a shooter makes a 7 on his first roll, and another 7 on the next roll, there is no reason to say he can’t win on the third roll. The chance of rolling a 7 on any given roll is exactly six chances in 36. Significantly, the 7 comes up, or rather has a chance of coming up, on any roll more than any other number , there are only eleven different numbers (pairings) that can be rolled.while there is lust one way to roll a 2, and only one way to roll a 12, there are two ways to make a 3 or 11, three ways for a 4 and 10, four ways to roll a 5 or 9, five ways for a 6 and 8, and six ways to make a 7.

This clearly shows the math of casino craps. While each roll of the dice can produce any of those eleven numbers, and although the probabilities are clearly stated, it is also true that the number 12 could come up on two consecutive rolls. If you bet a $5 chip on 12 and it came up on that roll, you would receive $150 as your casino payoff. If you let that amount ridethat is, bet the $150 on 12 for the next rolland it repeated as stated above, you would receive the whopping sum of $4,500.
By the same token, betting on the 12 at the casino craps is something we strongly suggest not doing.

Nicolas S. Casino content writer for Casino in sweden and Casino Portal in germany.

IPMONTOR - NETWORK MONITORING SOLUTION

IPMonitor is a sophisticated network monitoring solution that allows network administrators, webmasters, and Internet service providers to monitor any networked device on the Internet, corporate intranet, or TCP/IP LAN and receive alerts immediately via audible alarm, message, e-mail, or third-party software when a connection fails. It is a powerful personal monitoring product delivering low cost, simplicity of operation, and round-the-clock coverage.

Main Features:

• System tray application - Runs as a system tray application automatically on startup.

• Comprehensive monitoring - Monitors up to 500 network devices or services simultaneously.

• Global settings - Allows quick network resource configuration.

• Independent parameters - Allows all parameters to be set independently for each network resource.

• Maintenance mode - Permits you to temporarily disable monitoring of certain resources.

• Robust alerting - Alerts you to failures using a variety of techniques ranging from audible alarms to third-party software.

• Alert schedule - Allows you “fine tune” the alerting functions to avoid unnecessary alerting during an extended failure.

• Failure and recovery alerts - Alerts can be enabled for any combination of failure and recovery notices.

• Custom alerts - Allows custom alerts to be created for each monitored resource.

• Test alert configuration - Each alert type can be tested in order to verify that the alert is configured correctly prior to going live.

• E-mail notification - Allows e-mail notification via SMTP with the server of your choice.

• Custom messages - Supports keyword values and customized message information.

Avoid costly network downtime by using IPMonitor as your first line of defense. IPMonitor continually probes and transacts with network resources on timed intervals, to test their availability and responsiveness. If a failure occurs, IPMonitor automatically notifies you. The result? You are back in business faster!

About Software Developer:

Incorporated in early 2003 and headquartered in Haifa, Israel, Tsarfin Computing is a privately held company specializing in network diagnostic and monitoring software for the Internet, corporate intranets, and TCP/IP local area networks. Today its products and custom solutions may be found in businesses all over the world, including a large number of Fortune 500 companies, as well as in thousands of smaller ventures.

The company’s product family includes NetInfo, one of the most widely used network toolkits and a pioneer in the grouped network tools arena, and IPMonitor, a sophisticated network monitoring solution.

Product Requirements:
• Windows 98/ME/NT/000/XP
• Internet Explorer 5.5+

The developer’s web site:
www.tsarfin.com

Experienced, versatile freelance writer.
Strong research skills, clear and concise writing, compassionate journalism.

In wake of last week’s FCC decision, Schumer bill seeks to keep cell phone users from falling victim to kinds of anti-consumer practices that plagued local phone customers and have allowed a handful of companies to dominate local service

Schumer bill would mandate number portability to make it easer to switch providers and force carriers to provide better service; require providers to clearly disclose contract and service terms on all solicitations; improve monitoring of service quality and dead zones

US Senator Charles Schumer today unveiled a cell phone user bill of rights aimed at improving wireless service and making competition an ingrained part of the wireless industry. Schumer’s bill would mandate number portability between companies; create a box with contract and service information on solicitations and contracts (similar to the Schumer box on credit card solicitations); and authorize the FCC to monitor cell phone quality.

Consumer complaints on issues ranging from billing to service quality to contracts with hidden costs are skyrocketing across the country. In New York, for example, the New York State Consumer Protection Board reports that cell phone complaints increased an incredible 1400% in 2001. Many users complain of getting get virtually locked into their plans because they can’t keep their numbers if they switch providers, a particularly costly proposition for small businesses who rely on cell phones to stay accessible to their customers. According to In-stat/MDR, 52% of business cell phone users would be more likely to switch carriers if they could take their numbers with them.

“One of the great things about our free market system is that if someone does a bad job, you can find a better company and take your business there. One of the exceptions to that rule however, is the cell phone industry,” Schumer said. “By preventing cell users from keeping their numbers when they switch providers, wireless companies effectively lock in consumers by artificially raising the costs for switching. If you’re a small business owner who relies on a cell phone to stay in touch with customers, you can’t switch providers when a cheaper plan is available because you can’t risk losing touch with your customers.”

With last week’s decision by the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) upholding the rules meant to spur local phone competition serving as a stark reminder of the difficulty of inserting competition into the telecom industry, Schumer said his legislation is needed to keep these kinds of anti-competitive behaviors from becoming further ingrained in the wireless industry.

“Experience in the land-line sector shows that if we don’t do anything to improve competition now, the current malaise will only become more entrenched,” Schumer said. “The lesson here is that you can’t set the rules of the game in the fourth quarter: it is very difficult to create a competitive market once patterns of behavior are set, networks are built, and major players established.”

In an effort to address these issues, Schumer unveiled landmark legislation to improve competition in the cell phone industry entitled the Cell Phone Users Bill of Rights. Schumer said the bill is intended to foster competition in the cell phone industry by improving disclosure and making it easier for consumers to choose plans. Schumer said he rejected a mandate-based approach out of concern that external government fiats would stifle innovation and investment in the relatively young wireless industry. The Cell Phone Users Bill of Rights accomplishes this goal through three main initiatives:

• Number portability Although the FCC originally ruled that industry wide number portability needed to be in place by December of 1998, the Commission has extended that deadline five times under pressure from the industry to this November. The November deadline only applies to those companies who filed “bona fide” portability requests with one another by yesterday. The industry association has said it would seek another extension and industry critics are concerned that few companies will file those bona fide requests. Schumer said, however, that Verizon and T-Mobile told him yesterday that they would comply with the November rule and file portability requests.

To ensure that the rest of the industry follows suit, Schumer’s bill would require the entire industry to be compliant with number portability by November 2003 or within six months of his bill’s passage - whichever comes earlier - in the 100 largest market areas.

• Schumer Box on Cell Phone Solicitations and Contracts The bill requires marketing materials and contracts to clearly spell out the terms and conditions of service plans. When he was in the House, Schumer wrote legislation to improve competition in the credit card industry by encouraging full disclosure of credit card terms through what has become known as “Schumer Box” on credit solicitations and contracts.

The bill requires all wireless contracts and marketing materials to place a similar box containing standardized information on numerous key issues. All plans will have to disclose rate info, including calling-from area, monthly base charge, per minute charges for minutes not included in the plan and the method for calculating minutes charged. Information on minutes in the plan, including weekday/daytime, nights/weekend, long-distance, roaming, incoming and directory assistance will also have to be displayed. Termination and start-up fees and trial periods will have to be outlined as will any taxes and surcharges.

• Improving government monitoring of cell service The bill authorizes the FCC to monitor service quality industry-wide. Data will be collected and made publicly available so consumers can compare signal strength among providers, look at dropped call counts per carrier and compare dead zones across carriers. Most importantly, consumers will have access to high resolution maps that detail variations in call quality across a provider’s service area.

“Adam Smith had it right: competition is indeed a wonderful thing when it forces players to improve their performance. Sometimes, you need rules in order to set the teams in motion. This is what the Cell Phone Users Bill of Rights does,” Schumer said. AARP, the Consumers Union, Consumer Federation of America, National Association of Regulatory Utility Commissioners, National Association of State Utility Consumer Advocates are endorsing Schumer’s bill.

About the author:

Press Release

In America, poets are held in such low esteem that even the most Honored Representative from Nigeria won’t bother scamming us. Society says to us what Dermot Mulroney says to Julia Roberts in “My Best Friend’s Wedding,” that we are “The pus that infects the mucus that cruds up the fungus that feeds on the pond scum.”

Even being cheated by Mr. Honorable Minister, however, is preferable to the poetry scams that have proliferated. Wind Publications’ Literary Scam guide has this to say:

Hidden among the many sponsors of legitimate literary contests advertised on the internet lurk those who care little about literature, its audience, or authors. These organizations and individuals exist solely for profit through their so-called writing or poetry contests. Often you’ll find these “free” poetry contests lavishly advertised in your local newspaper.

There is a cottage industry of writing scams perpetuated by pus poetry pimps, the chief among them International Library of Poetry, aka Noble House Press, aka Poetry.com. They advertise in USA Weekend and the Penny Saver–well, not the Penny Saver, but they might as well, because that sums up their opinion of poets. If you’ve seen the ads or received a letter that says, “Congratulations, your poem has been selected for our next anthology,” congratulations, you’re being scammed.

Like so-called modeling agencies or “talent agents” who prey on the dreams of nubile girls wanting to be the next Lindsay Lohan, poetry pyramid schemes exploit the number one hope of writers: publication, and more importantly, recognition. Many excellent Web sites such as Preditors and Editors and PoetryNotCom detail the outrageous mechanics of poetry “anthology” scams, and the infamous Wergle Flomp Poetry Contest by WinningWriters.com cheerfully skewers vanity poetry contests and the submicroorganisms who perpetuate them.

How do you spot a poetry scam? Look for…

1. Insane pie in the sky prize amounts.

I ran the DeAnn Lubell Professional Writers’ Competition. Most poetry contests with reading fees pay, at most, $1,000, and that’s for a book-length manuscript of poetry. For a single poem, the first prize pot is usually a whopping $100, $150 tops. A $20 million prize, as dangled by Noble House, is a big crimson flag. Oh, and no one ever offers poets a chance to win a world cruise. It’s usually assumed that we sail around the world on a Mark Twain raft, a sampan, or a Hemingway skiff.

2. No contest fees.
Wergle Flomp is the only “F*r*e*e” poetry contest. Now, people on the Internet and toiling poets naturally leap at the word “F*r*e*e”. But, like victims of those modeling scams, you’ll end up paying for your moment of bargain hunting. Modeling scams want you to work with a particular photographer (usually fake European). Likewise, poetry scams won’t let you even see your poem in print unless you pay for the anthology. When you do pay for the anthology, you may wonder if you just bought a copy of the Penny Saver, because your poem looks like it was crammed onto the page to make room for the “Spot the Difference” puzzle and the adult talk lines. Then there are those awards banquets…

3. Phony awards banquets.
Ten years ago, no joke, I received a mailing from Famous Poets Society that lured me to fork over the cash to attend an awards banquet and convention. If I paid my money, I could join the elite company of poets such as…Ted Lange of “Love Boat” fame. Who knew Isaac the bartender was a closet Langston Hughes? Plus, I could win $6,000 in door prizes. Now, if you’ve ever attended a poetry reading, especially in coffeehouses, you know that poets wear their vow of poverty as proudly as a Che Guevara T-shirt. Just the thought of winning $25 in a poetry slam made my fellow poets and me weep more cathartically than the contestants on “Deal or No Deal.” And Ted Lange usually doesn’t attend.

4. Questionable reputation or none at all.
In poetry, if you don’t have Nikki Giovanni, Czeslaw Milosz or Donald Hall front and center in your magazine, plus several angsty Eastern European poets, would-be poets drop you like Oprah dropped James Frey. Look for magazines, publishers and poetry contests that publish and are judged by literary lions. It’s Bukowski or bust. And when Poetry.com can’t figure out that Dave Barry and 20/20 are hoaxing them, the joke’s on Poetry.com. Similarly, if a vanity press charges you $3,000 to $8,000 to publish your collection of poems, and the top author promoted by Faade Press is an eighteen-year-old writing poems from the point of view of her liver, save your money for the hard work of actually submitting your poems to Threepenny Review, or literary magazines or publishers that you read about in Writer’s Market or Poets and Writers.

5. Advertising in newspapers and glossy magazines.
Real poetry contests don’t advertise in USA Weekend–sure, USA Weekend may sponsor a teen essay contest, but poetry advertisers? Forget it. People don’t pick up USA Weekend as a literary publication, even though USA Weekend features books and authors. If you see a mass call for poets in a mass market magazine, give it a miss. Real poetry contests get deluged with submissions as it is. They don’t need to fish for more.

6. Sending you a letter of acceptance for a contest you can’t remember entering or a publisher you can’t remember submitting to.
I admit, as a writer I have difficulty keeping track of what I sent to whom and whenwe go into writing to avoid paperwork, not do it, although when we’re not in the mood, reorganizing files suddenly becomes as tempting as a day in Cancun. Fortunately, Writer’s Market features a Submission Tracker, and some enterprising bloggers actually post their submission schedule to make the rest of us sigh in unorganized envy. If you can’t find the cover letter/e-query in your file cabinet, on your computer, on your Zip drive (you do back up, right?), or in your Sent folder, chances are you never submitted to National Library of Poetry or Wordscum.com (apologies if there actually is a Web site out there called Wordscum.com). Yes, after 300 rejections, getting an acceptance letter may be a boost, but to misquote Groucho Marx, think twice before you accept just any club that will have you as a member. Aim higher. Imagine if JK Rowling had just said, “All right, I’ll pay a million pounds to have a few hundred copies of Harry Potter for my friends and relatives to buy.”

7. Promising to get your book or handsome anthology on the bestseller rack in bookstores.
Number one, PoetryNotCom is one of the many sites reporting that this claim is bogus. Number two, most people who go into a bookstore to read poetry probably can find the poetry section blindfolded and spend three hours debating the symbolism in Whitman over a decaf skinny latte at Borders Café. Number two, although getting your book in bookstores is still the gold standard, Amazon.com and online retailing make it easy for even the tiniest press to get books noticed. Number three, bookstores are so glutted with inventory that they can’t even stock the POD books, let alone anything from ScamPoet Publishing or Poetry.com, and bookstores will not accept vanity press books. For that matter, no poet besides Ludacris or Jimmy Carter will end up on the bestseller list in a bookstore. We don’t go into poetry to be rich. We go into poetry to sound our barbaric yawp…and a fellowship or two is nice, too.

Many beginning poets get bilked, but you don’t have to. If you’re smart and ambitious, you’ll be a successful poet with tons of lierary magazines and e-zines bearing your byline. Poetry.com and its ilk will always be “The pus that infects the mucus that cruds up the fungus that feeds on the pond scum.”