The Refresh Orlando Heirs

In Homer’s Odyssey (a Greek Myth) sailors were lured to their death by Sirens, mythological temptresses who sang seductive songs. Sailors called Argonauts escaped the songs, because of the great musician Orpheus. He played his lyre so beautifully, that it drowned out the songs from the Sirens. His decisive deed saved the crew from total devastation.

Today’s version of this enticement is “ECheating” - a phrase I’ve coined. “ECheating” enchants new scalawags to an internet isle. Rather than sail, today’s Argonauts surf to this island. In great numbers surfers are defying danger and destruction for a chance encounter - a rendezvous.

Here’s one such tale:

Martin leaves mornings for work before rush hour. He hates the wasted time or so he’s been coached to tell Michelle, his unwitting wife. She cleans up breakfast dishes before heading off to work an hour later. Michelle loves Martin and thinks of him throughout the day. She faithfully trusts him.

Unfortunately, Martin yields to his desires and a rendezvous devised. His next business trip provides the perfect alibi. He will meet his chosen “eCheater” at a nearby convention hotel. Michelle remains clueless.

But wait, “eCheating” serves a compelling purpose, true? Just listen to one slogan “When Monogamy becomes Monotony.” This catchphrase conjures up a sense of justification or reason. It includes not just a sex theme, but a sense of fellowship.

Does marriage end when it’s unexciting?

Is in fact adultery the answer?

These new dreadful alliances would lead you to believe it is!

I am deeply troubled these “eCheating” businesses are flourishing! Isn’t it time we put an end to them? How? What can YOU do about them?

Be proactive.

Get informed.

Search adultery keywords for banner ads.

Learn these “ECheating” sites by name.

Search computer history for visits to them.

Install spy ware on home PC - yours of course.

Keep an eye on credit cards statements.

Monitor computer usage.

Paying attention to your relationship.

Fight for your marriage and spouse - seek help.

Don’t use God or the Bible as a weapon in confrontations.

Therapy sessions don’t work if you are forcing them.

Don’t require your spouse to go to therapy - it will deliberately fail after a few sessions and be used against you.

Safeguard your homes and kids from the internet.

Make time to watch the eHighway carefully for those hazardous detours.

Communicate better; be more affectionate, appreciative, available, accepting and affirming.

Be positive, attractive and irresistible.

Consider a make over if necessary.

Request a copy of my article “Is your spouse cheating online?” Send a request to mitchellreports@bellsouth.net

Recognize the signs of adultery early on.

If you don’t know them, I can help you.

You are not alone…let’s break these alliances together.

To receive a free special report entitled Emergency Infidelity Survival PlanTop Fifteen Steps to Implement Right Now! send an e-mail to mitchellreports@bellsouth.net, with “Emergency Plan” in the subject line. We will respect your privacy.

Won’t you take a look at my new book. I’ve helped thousands of clients facing adultery and want to help YOU next. That’s why I worked so hard to share just the right information with YOU. It’s filled with facts, details, secret tips, and advice from an experienced Private Investigator - ME! My observations are unique, timely, and right on the mark! In fact this book is used by PI’s nationwide to help their clients survive. This book is perfect for ANYONE facing a troubled relationship. This small investment will be well worth it. I promise YOU!

© 2005 Bill Mitchell All rights reserved.

A note to all publishers: Feel free to reprint this article in its entirety in your ezine, newsletter or website as long as the article’s content is not modified and all links as well as the author’s resource box are included.

Don’t forget to send this article to a friend. Use the feature at the top of the page for your convenience.

Bill Mitchell, Seven-Day Detective, is an internationally renowned author who is recognized for his practical, solution-based investigative strategies to marriages facing infidelity. As a recognized expert on infidelity and child custody, Bill Mitchell appears regularly as a guest expert on TV and national talk shows including Dr. Phil, Today Show, and The Early Show. He has been interviewed by numerous publications including Chicago Tribune, Esquire, Ladies Home Journal Online, and PI Magazine.

Just a note to ask if there are other married women and men who are happy in their marriage and in their affair at the same time? I am fulfilled at home, in the bed and emotionally, with two men meeting my needs.

It would be great if I had found a guy who could satisfy me both emotionally and sexually, but it just didn’t happen. My partner is also married and feels the same way. We will never leave our spouses, and they are unaware why we don’t hound them for physical intimacy anymore. They are both relieved of the pressure, and there are no more fights or silences.

People stay married for many reasons, and not all problems can be worked out. The four of us are friends, and I sometimes wonder if they would even object. Let’s face it. There are those who just do not like sex! I believed in no sex before marriage, and now I know why my guy was okay with that! He is not gay, but just says it’s not what it’s cracked up to be.

Chastity

Chastity, in one of P.G. Wodehouse’s books, Bertie Wooster quotes something Jeeves told him. “There can be no love where there is not perfect trust.”

When people learn about a spouse’s infidelity, they feel their world has come crashing down. We have never gotten a letter from someone who found out their mate was chronically unfaithful, and they were happy about it. They feel deceived and lied to. There are therapy groups where people talk about D-day, the day they learned of their spouse’s infidelity.

You are explaining things to yourself in a way which justifies you and makes your spouse the problem. But go ahead and try to prove your claim. Tell your husband tonight, and encourage your “partner” to tell his wife.

Wayne & Tamara

No Higher Ground

I have two friends I recently learned were, or are, in a gay relationship. I say “were or are” because one of them, Tom, is saying the relationship was a mistake and over before it started. The other one, Ray, says he walked away from one aspect of their relationship, but is not willing to give Tom up as a friend. Tom says Ray is “a friend I can’t get rid of.”

I discovered the relationship by noticing Ray is extremely possessive of Tom. Ray becomes jealous and angry when Tom is with his straight friends. To look at Tom with those straight friends you would never guess in a million years he is gay. Tom has gone to extreme measures to make sure his friends know nothing about Ray.

Ray keeps a picture of Tom on his desk at work, and he is extremely upset if Tom can’t meet him for lunch. Tom, on the other hand, panics at the thought of his family finding out about Ray. I am not to mention Ray’s name around Tom’s friends or family, which makes me feel extremely disloyal to Ray.

Tom truly wants Ray out of his life, but Ray threatens to out Tom to his friends and family if he breaks off their relationship. I care for both of them, and neither of them will seek professional help. What can I do to help them? Or should I just step away from the whole thing?

Phyllis

Phyllis, no one is on the higher moral ground here. Tom wants you to lie and hide his life from people who care about him and think they know him. Ray is trying to blackmail Tom into a relationship.

Both are seeking, or sought, a relationship they are not entitled to. You would like to champion a cause, but neither Tom nor Ray has a cause to champion. Perhaps their collision will induce some truth and reality into each of their lives. Stay out of it.

Wayne & Tamara

Direct Answers - Column for the week of March 22, 2004

About The Author

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.

Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.

Have you been blindsided by an unhappy spouse who suddenly announced, “I don’t love you anymore”? If so, then you know that these words can split a marriage wide open, along with the heart of the partner who may not have suspected that anything was wrong.

Like most spouses in your situation, you may be confused and struggling to understand what those five ominous words “I don’t love you anymore” really mean. Let’s look at four of the possibilities:

1. Your Spouse May Have Confused Feelings

The most common situation is that the partner has doubts about his feelings. A more accurate wording might be: “I don’t think that I love you anymore, but I’m not absolutely sure.”

If this is what your spouse means, you can often use this doubt, even if it’s only a very small doubt, to buy time for your marriage. Your spouse may be more likely to agree to go to marriage counseling while he takes additional time to determine if he really wants to leave the marriage or not.

Rather than framing an appeal to your spouse as doing you a favor, say instead, “Please don’t throw away your investment of time in our marriage yet.” This request reminds him that he’s losing something if he walks away.

Help him recall all the energy, hard work, and dreams he has invested in the marriage so far. He may conclude that it just makes good sense for him to wait until he’s absolutely sure about what he wants to do.

2. The Romance May Be Gone

Another meaning the words “I don’t love you anymore” can have is that your spouse feels she loves you but that she is not IN love with you any longer. This is usually extremely difficult for the other spouse to comprehend. How can she say that she loves you but not in a romantic way, more like a friend or sibling? What does she mean?

When she says “I love you, but I’m not IN love with you,” she may feel that she has been the main one trying to keep romance alive. She may have told you that she wished you communicated more or would take more initiative in planning romantic or fun things to do. She has probably tried to initiate discussions about her needs or how the two of you could feel more bonded.

It’s likely that in the past your spouse has suggested you both go to marriage counseling, all to no avail. She probably feels that her pleas have fallen on deaf ears. Her perception may be that you don’t value the relationship because you have been unwilling to make changes that are important to her.

She eventually may resign herself to the fact that you aren’t going to change. Her feelings of sexual desire and romantic attraction often diminish over time until the passionate spark is no longer there. She still cares about you, but she doesn’t feel romantic toward you any longer.

It’s impossible to predict which sparks can be fanned back into flames. Some spouses will leave anyway, saying that it’s too late, that the other spouse has waited too long to start taking acton. Other spouses may be deeply touched by the partner’s depth of feeling and efforts to change. They may agree to stay in the marriage and see what’s possible with both partners working on the relationship.

3. Abuse Almost Always Puts Out the Flame

A third possibility is that your spouse has shut down loving feelings towards you because of physical, verbal, or emotional abuse. It’s not hard to predict that partners who are threatened, slapped, verbally put down, constantly criticized, and unappreciated would not be likely to have loving feelings toward the abuser. Often they have no other choice but to leave the marriage in order to protect themselves and their children.

If you have a history of being abusive in any way to your spouse or children, it’s time to find an experienced therapist to help you. You will want to look at yourself in the mirror of a trained professional’s eyes. Often abusers themselves were abused as children. Abusive behavior was ingrained in them at a very young age.

If this is your case, know that you can’t help the environment you grew up in. What you can do is to make sure your loved ones are protected from it. Often people act out unconsciously the patterns they were taught as kids, only to perpetuate the cycle by acting the same way with their own families. The good news is that this vicious cycle can be stopped if you are willing to get help.

4. Addiction Can Kill Love

A fourth possibility is that if you have an addiction, your spouse may have had all he can endure. Addictions can take many different forms. Common addictions include alcohol or drug abuse, gambling, sexual addiction, and compulsive spending. Any of these behaviors can destroy a marriage.

The pain, confusion, and problems associated with living with a spouse who drinks until she passes out on the sofa each night can certainly dull romantic excitement. More often than not, the person drinking or using drugs doesn’t think she has a serious problem.

When the person is confronted about the drinking or drug use, a standard comeback is “I’m not an alcoholic (or druggie) because I can stop anytime I want to.” This is called denial, and many marriages have been wrecked because of it. For there to be any glimmer of hope that the marriage can be salvaged, the spouse with the addiction must be motivated and willing to seek help.

In an ideal world, your partner would be able to tell you in a clear, coherent fashion what his experience in the marriage has been, at what point his feelings for you changed, and why. If your spouse can do this, you’re fortunate.

Since people vary in their depth of self-understanding and the ability to communicate feelings, you may have more difficulty in getting immediate answers to your questions. And your spouse may still be trying to put all of the pieces together himself. When he says he doesn’t know why his feelings have changed, he may be telling the truth.

You may never know everything involved in your partner’s shift from being in love with you to not wanting to be in the marriage, but it’s important to understand what’s happened as much as possible. That’s where counseling can help.

You can tell your spouse that whether your marriage makes it or not, you need to process what has happened and take responsibility for your part. State that it will be really difficult and painful for you if the two of you end your marriage without even trying marriage counseling.

Your goal in entering counseling is to learn more about yourself and your partner, to improve your relationship skills, and to buy time for the marriage while you tackle the problems. That puts you in the best position to explore why the embers of love have died and to see if they can be fanned into flames once again.

Tips adapted from the book Keep Your Marriage: What To Do When Your Spouse Says “I don’t love you anymore!” by Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D. and Lee Hefner. Available as an e-book at http://www.KeepYourMarriage.com. , where you can also sign up for the free Keep Your Marriage Internet Magazine. Contact Nancy at Nancy@KeepYourMarriage.com.

Certifications, offered by various vendors are a good way for IT professionals to seek validation for their skills. In today’s arena, there are lots of vendors offering specialization in particular domains. Professionals often get confused about which certification to go for as some of them have as little as hair thin difference between them. It is best to first identify your job role, the knowledge and skills required and accordingly select to take a particular certification to ensure career success.

Let us in this article try and get some clarity between two major certifications of Microsoft i.e. MCSE and MCSA which are often confused upon.

Why MCSE?

For a MCSE (http://www.whizlabs.com/mcse-exam/mcse-exam.html) candidate, it is preferable that he should have at least two years of experience in implementing and administering desktop and network operating systems, and designing a network infrastructure in the typically complex computing environment of medium-to-large organizations. The candidate should also have at least one year of experience administering Exchange Server environments involving multiple physical locations, mixed connection protocols, and Internet messaging.

MCSE has two tracks Microsoft Windows 2000 and Microsoft Windows 2003. The 2003 track requires 6 Core Exams, 1 Elective Exam and 2 Upgrade Exams to be cleared.

Core Exam include:

Group I: 70-290, 70-291, 70-293;

Group II: 70-270, 70-210; Group III: 70-297, 70-298.

Elective Exams include:

70-086, 70-227, 70-228, 70-229, 70-232, 70-281, 70-282, 70-284, 70-285, 70-297, 70-298, 70-299, and 70-301.

Upgrade Exams include

70-292 or 70-296.

Either CompTIA Security+ or Unisys UNO-101 can be substituted in place of the elective exams.

Why MCSA?

The need for qualified system administrators is very real in today’s business market and the excitement for MCSA (http://www.whizlabs.com/mcsa/mcsa.html) is growing daily. A candidate for MCSA should have at least one year of experience working with a desktop operating system, a network operating system, and an existing network infrastructure. As soon as candidates pass their first qualifying exam for the MCSA program, they achieve a Microsoft Certified Professional (MCP) certification.

MCSA also has two tracks Microsoft Windows 2000 track and Microsoft Windows 2003 track. MCSA 2003 requires 3 Core Exams, 1 Elective exam and 1 Upgrade exam to be cleared.

Core Exams include:

Group I: 70-290, 70-291

Group II: 70-270, 70-210

Elective Exams include

70-086, 70-227, 70-228, 70-284, and 70-299

Upgrade Exams include

70-292

What’s the difference between MCSE & MCSA?

Let us look at a few major differences between the two certifications which will help you get a clearer idea about them:

MCSA (http://www.whizlabs.com/mcsa/mcsa.html) when compared to MCSE (http://www.whizlabs.com/mcse-exam/mcse-exam.html) is a basic level certification. As an MCSA you must know every thing about implementing, managing, and troubleshooting the existing network and system environments based on the Microsoft Windows Operating Systems. However, you will not be responsible to set up new networks and systems as a part of your job function. But as a MCSE knowledge about designing and deploying new networks and systems is necessary.

Being an MCSA professional means that you will be able to implement, manage, and maintain the typically complex computing environment of medium-to large-sized companies. On the other hand, being an MCSE professional you will be able to plan, design, and implement Microsoft Windows server solutions and architectures in medium-to large-sized companies.

The experience that is required for both these certifications is also different. MCSA requires 6-12 months of experience of administering client and network operating systems while MCSE requires at least one year of experience in implementing and administering network operating systems and desktop operating systems.

Jobs for an MCSA include systems administrator, network administrator, information systems administrator, network operations analyst, network technician, or technical support specialist. For an MCSE jobs include systems engineer, network engineer, systems analyst, network analyst, or technical consultant.

MCSA provides you with a credential that represents a set of skills which will be advantageous if you plan to pursue MCSE Certification. Therefore, earning an MCSA will qualify you with the option to use these credentials and acquire MCSE through Upgrade path to MCSE.

If you look carefully, both these exams although similar to each other specialize in different domains. A clear understanding of both the certifications is necessary before you decide which one to opt for. So make the right choice and get going!!

Whizlabs (www.whizlabs.com), an ISO Certified company, is a leading provider of IT skill assessment and certification exam preparation tools. Whizlabs’ suite of offerings include “IT Certification Exam simulators and Instructor-led, Online Trainings” for various exams by Sun, IBM, Oracle, Microsoft, BEA, Cisco, and other leading IT vendors and “IT skill Assessment Management Solution” for Corporations, Training Institutes, and Universities.

In its first 3 years of inception Whizlabs has helped 300,000 software professionals in realizing their dream of acquiring IT Certifications of their interest.

Whizlabs offerings have fuelled the career growth of IT professionals working in 321 Fortune 500 companies spread in 118 countries across the globe.

The author can be contacted at authors@whizlabs.com

*First Published at Whizlabs’ site.