Within most of us is a deep and compelling need or desire to do
better, feel better and be better. There are so many roads to
travel in our quest to find ourselves, change ourselves or
improve ourselves. Some may ponder life’s great questions from
within their own minds, whilst others may go externally in
search of knowledge or experience. Many take a practical
approach and look at education or developing talents and
techniques. There are many books and courses on things related
to personal growth and we often find ourselves writing down our
goals and charting our accomplishments. Often the focus is on
such things as motivation, self esteem, relationship issues,
breaking or creating habits or getting fit and healthy. Personal
growth is often about our becoming more successful or improving
career and financial issues.
However, at some point during the personal growth adventure,
everyone comes to the realization that the thinking behind the
behaviour must be explored. For many people this is their first
experience with getting out of a conscious thinking mode and
probing a little deeper into the subtleties of the sub-conscious.
The exploration may go deep, and for many it can be an ongoing
work of art. By exploring our behavioural patterns,
sub-conscious beliefs and/or trying to unravel childhood
conditioning, we begin to practice quiet reflection and
stillness. We become more aware of changes on a deeper level.
Perhaps this is viewed as a subtle shift in energy or a greater
awareness of intuition.
We begin to move away from intellectual information in search
of innate wisdom, higher knowledge or at the very least a deeper
understanding of our authentic selves. This, for many people,
will be their initial introduction to meditation.
Some people believe that meditation is the physical mind
communicating with the spiritual. Some will explain it as
communicating with God. Others may believe they are entering a
realm of enlightenment or it may be a language between conscious
and sub-conscious minds.
Personally, I don’t really care about who, how or why, and I
think whatever feels comfortable for each individual is fine.
Quite often you will find that you change your perceptions and
opinions along the way. People like to make simple things
complicated and often people like to argue for the sake of
thinking they are right.
Using visual images and or dialogue during a meditative state
creates communication with either the sub-conscious mind or a
higher aspect of intelligence. Who and/or what is decided by
your own belief system. After a short time of practising
meditation and experiencing the deep sense of peace and
well-being which results, it is almost impossible to not want to
go further and deeper into it. Meditation can quickly become a
habit and most people will go on to using it in many different
ways.
Initially, it may just be a relaxation tool but with regular
practise the powerful changes, which occur deep within the
spirit, become irresistible forces, gently enticing us to seek
deeper or more expansive experiences.
At some point everyone experiences a deep sense of their own
personal energy. We become intrigued with the nature of that
energy and understand we have the ability to balance ourselves
at a core level. This is when we know that we are capable of
healing ourselves from within.
All meditations require your body to be relaxed and comfortable
and your mind to be still and internally focused. You do not
need to shave your head, wear robes, chant om, burn incense and
candles, nor sit in a lotus position.
If you are doing a healing meditation on yourself, you will
probably find that lying on your bed is the most comfortable
place. Mornings are often the best time as you are less likely
to be tired after a night’s sleep. As meditation requires you to
become deeply relaxed, you may find that you will fall asleep
too easily if you are tired.
How you use meditation is determined by your intention. The
basic principle is always the same: relaxed body and internally
focused mind. There are many different uses for meditation and
many different experiences. Although you may have healing as
your intention, you will find that each meditation is a new
experience.
If you have never meditated before you may feel a little
apprehensive or perhaps unsure that you are doing it right.
Rather than go into great explanations and instructions, which
may or may not apply to your experiences, I will try to describe
to you what one of my meditations is like from an inside
viewpoint.
Healing Meditation. I stretch and relax my body, then settle
comfortably, lying on the bed on my back. I breathe deeply and
slowly and tune my awareness into watching the inhalations and
exhalations moving through my body. I remind myself to detach my
awareness from all external influences and encourage myself to
float and drift, peacefully downwards, into a deeper state of
relaxation. It is just a casual observation of my breath and the
serenity which flows through me.
I then direct my focus to the base of my spine (base chakra).
After a short time I become aware of a slight pulsation, which
indicates this area is now open, and freely flowing with energy.
The base chakra is associated with security and a lack of free
flowing energy here would indicate to me that I was holding
tension there, meaning I was feeling unsafe or unsupported.
I imagine a thick, strong, golden cord running from the base of
my spine, down deep into the centre of the earth and grounding
me. This gives me a sense of belonging in my space on the earth
and also being securely held and supported. I then run another
cord from the base of my spine down through my legs and then out
through the soles of my feel. This is an additional grounding
cord and also anchors me. I watch detached, as energy rises
along the cords and I can now physically feel energy waves,
gently and pleasantly swirling around my pelvic area.
I affirm to myself that I am safe, supported, secure and
protected. I am physically and materially provided for, and all
my needs are met, easily and effortlessly.
My attention now lifts to my third eye; this is the screen of
my mind. I look slightly upwards towards the inside of my
forehead, above and behind my eyebrows. I ask the question,
“What do I most need to see, know, feel or do right now?” It’s
tempting to keep asking but I know that stillness is required
and listening is essential. It takes a moment for fluttering and
blurred fragments to focus into clear images and my senses seem
to probe, shift and adjust, trying to hook into a strong
sensation.
Faces of past lovers and friends come into focus and then drift
by. They return pieces of me that they have been holding and I
notice fragments lift from me and return to them. I’m not sure
what this exchange is but as I wonder about this, my intuition
answers, we are letting go and moving on. This is done with
gratitude and love and we all keep what was given and meant to
be taken but we let go of the attachments which may have been
holding us back.
As I contemplated my life, it became crystal clear to me that I
saw myself as someone who needed to be totally self-reliant. I
was unwilling or unable to ask for or accept help from others.
Perhaps I truly believed that there was no help available. I saw
my rebelliousness against authority, my suspicion of people’s
personal agendas, felt my deep disappointment in people who had
taken from me in an underhanded way, I saw myself as small,
scared and vulnerable, in a world of threatening intentions.
I also saw a package of myself as a strong, independent,
capable and clever person. I have a huge determination to fight
fiercely for freedom, justice, independence and truth.
I asked how this played into the pain in my knee. The answer
came that the pain in the knee is the physical manifestation of
arthritis. The arthritis is the physical outcome of a deep
belief in being unsupported and alone. It’s about security on
the deepest level of self; a belief that life itself is an
unsafe place, a deep belief that self-preservation and
protection is my primary objective in life.
From this came an insight into other areas of distress in my
life and I saw the same connection to many years of suffering
deep fatigue and a lifetime struggle with maintaining energy and
money. So, here it was. Arthritis, fatigue and financial lack,
were all physical manifestations of my belief that I am under
threat. It is about fear, abandonment, insecurity or the
constant need to keep myself protected or supported.
This all came as some surprise to me and my impulse was to deny
it. My conscious and rational belief about myself did not want
to accept the idea of myself as insecure. I watch as my sluggish
energy rises into my forehead and I see my third eye open and
alert. It watches vigilantly, looking behind and ahead, darting
back and forth and to the sides, anticipating danger.
I enter my mind and I see a counter, like a mental abacus. I
tally debts here, always counting, always juggling finances,
borrowing here and paying back there. Silently and incessantly,
I resort to wishing and willing and pleading, like a gambler at
the racetrack whose last chance is on number three. I ponder
asking for help, just a little rescue, but of course, I never
would. Could it be that I am unsupported, is my survival under
threat, and am I in a constant state of subliminal stress?
Stress produces adrenaline which seeps down into my body. I am
exhausted and my joints are eroding, stress becomes fatigue and
arthritis, like links in a chain and that chain makes its way
back into my heart. My heart is holding onto the erroneous
belief that I am alone, a warrior without support. I resist, I
don’t want to believe this, I don’t want to deal with this and I
don’t even know if this is fixable.
I relax and become peaceful as I watch the colours and patterns
and energy waves moving gently and refreshingly through me again.
There is a dark spot though in the centre of my throat and I
ask what this is. The voice inside my mind answers, “This is the
crying room.” I immediately know what this means. I haven’t
cried in a long, long time. My throat is my cut off point. I
developed this skill as a young child; in fact, I still remember
the day I made a solemn vow to myself. The vow was that if
anyone hurt me, I would not allow them the satisfaction of
seeing their effect on me. If I was hurt, verbally abused,
humiliated or disappointed in anyway, I would clench my teeth,
set my jaw, swallow hard and close my throat, so that a sob
could not escape. I could set my face into a poker face and hold
my body straight; I could look you in the eye without any
_expression at all. Inside I would cry, inside I felt like I was
dying, but my throat would be clamped shut. Sometimes this was
extremely hard to do and very painful, I felt I was strangling
myself but I would rather choke than give anyone the
satisfaction of seeing me cry.
As light poured into the darkness of the crying room, I felt my
throat and neck muscles relax. I can’t remember a time when my
throat was completely relaxed and this felt liberating. I saw
words and music rise out from my neck and float away. I sensed
my thyroid rebalance and wondered again about my relationship
with fatigue. Could the tension in my throat have been affecting
my thyroid function and further interfering with my vitality? I
wanted to explore this question further but my attention was
drawn to the words rising from my throat.
“Speak your truth,” I saw written. “I do,” I heard my self
reply. God only knows the trouble I have encountered by speaking
my truth. I have been accused of being indiscreet, insensitive,
confrontational, argumentative, self-opinionated and naïve.
“No,” responded the voice, “Speaking your truth is about
respecting and honouring yourself. It’s about releasing an
insight that may seem trivial or insignificant to you but it
might just be a powerful message to the listener. It’s about
integrity, honesty, wisdom, prophesy and clarity. It’s about you
being the messenger and the message may be medicine. If it’s on
your heart to say it, then you must say it. To thyne own self be
true. We are all teachers, healers, prophets and messengers.
Words of truth to yourself and others, brings true freedom.”
I find myself back in a space of serenity and silence and feel
like I have just returned from the great halls of wisdom. I feel
changed, transformed, mildly confused and vaguely aware that it
will take time to fully understand and work with this
experience. I wonder where all this will lead, how will I
release old beliefs and actualize these insights.
I feel light, peaceful, excited, free, alive and vibrant. I
know that something huge and heavy has been lifted. I have been
transformed, but into what and how? Am I so different now that
my life will be different too? Can I maintain this state and if
so how? Will I wake up and be permanently healed, secure, wiser
or better?
The questions seem to go unanswered, other than a vague thought
that time will tell. I find myself tuning back into energy waves
and my body once again becomes awash with light. There is a
deep, deep sense of well being flowing though me and around me.
I drift lazily and contentedly back into full consciousness.
Softly, and seemingly from a long way away, I hear a voice call
out the word, “Yes.”
Copyright © 2005 Sonya Green www.reinventingmyself.com
