This week has challenged my limits for tolerance. I take pride in my university and our commitment to educate our students about particular subjects. We also contribute to their ability to live among many different types of people, which is equally important. Since America will continue to grow and change it will become impossible to justify the labels and stereotypes we impose on people. We have a right to be different and since most of us originate from other countries, the differences are inevitable.
One of the biggest challenges this week came from someone who is preoccupied with how he thinks people should behave, look, and think. Whether it was age, ethnicity, clothing size or hairstyle, he had something mean to say about everyone. In fact, when he tried to be nice it was a ploy to get everyone relaxed so he could say something mean again. Eventually, we caught on and ignored him. When he spoke to me, I just pretended not to hear and walked away. It’s an old high school trick, but it worked. The offender mentioned how everyone at our meeting seemed to be “the quiet types.” He laughed at all of his own offensive jokes, so he missed the fact that nobody else thought he was funny. He probably wonders why so many people are hard of hearing and lack a sense of humor.
I’m old-fashioned. I go to a meeting to do the things on the agenda and that’s all. If I introduce a new topic, it will probably be related to what we are talking about. I have seen people trying to have their needs met in inappropriate ways, but this was the first time I ever saw anyone so open about being hateful and mean. Aren’t we supposed to be ashamed of that? Was that stuff ever funny? The Bible says that our challenges are not physical, but we are in warfare with principles and ideas that could destroy us spiritually. The jokes and comments that I heard this week felt like pin pricks that wouldn’t end.
I did have some sympathy for the culprit. He went from person to person trying to get a reaction or laugh and it didn’t work out. He found out that I live in a small town in West Texas. Apparently, he has stereotypes about what we are like. He worked really hard for my attention. I ignored him equally hard and avoided him most of the time. My impression was that he had nothing to contribute to the meeting so he resorted to making others look bad. The tactic is old, worn, and obvious but he stuck to it. He also had some obvious physical challenges that he might have been self-conscious about. Diverting attention is also a well worn tactic. It doesn’t work though. If his shortcomings are ever pointed out, it is probably because he is pointing out someone else’s.
Eventually, the day will come when people are judged by the content of their character. In the meantime, many others will jump to conclusions based on other things. Every time I tell someone that I live in Plainview, they ask why I came here. As if our town has absolutely nothing to offer. I highly recommend education for the people who just don’t see the beauty of it. There are many of us here who walk the walk when it comes to the things we teach and we don’t mind being the messenger even when people try to kill our spirits.
No matter where we live we will be challenged is the need to take sides on issues. Some of the issues are complicated and don’t have easy solutions. Some long-standing misunderstandings probably never made sense and never will. They continue to linger because people conjure them up to hide what they think about themselves. Grudge holders have a way of wanting to give you the background about why they don’t like certain individuals or groups. They are even more willing to give you updates about why they continue to hold a grudge. I have to tell those hateful spirits that I am from Philadelphia. I missed the whole thing. Don’t most adults have enough to do and think about anyway?
Dr. LaMar researches, writes, and speaks about mentoring relationships among professional women. She also consults with growing businesses about how personality and processes can affect workplace dynamics. Her books “God Provides The Sacrifice: Women Discuss Making Their Hardest Decision” and “Drama Free Workplace” can be purchased in e-book format and paperback from her web sites or by calling 806-203-4094.
http://www.DrLaMar.com
http://www.DramaFreeWorkplace.com
http://www.PhenomenalWomansGuide.com
